I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
