Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
