So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
