The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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