Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
