i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
