gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Life is so much better after having sex.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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