Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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