Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize