How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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