wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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