just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
