How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
