she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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