yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it's like iHOP with fire
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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