arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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