Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
