I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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