That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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