the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
