So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
