does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
