We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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