i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
