She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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