His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
