Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
