Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
