I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
