I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
