My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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