I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
