What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
