Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
