I wish my penis had an off switch
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i came on her dog
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
