3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
