Can i not drive my cunt home
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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