Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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