Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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