Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
