Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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