can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just pee around me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
