the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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