So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
