Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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