Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
