She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
