one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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