Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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