in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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