Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
