The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
