this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What drink are we having for lunch?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize