If that was your dad, he is hot
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
