Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
