it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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