If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm at about main and main street
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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