he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
