I'm eating all of the evidence.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
