1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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