my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She's the barista slut.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
