Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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