Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
