and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
