He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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