My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
