alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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