I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
