my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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