I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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