Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize