sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
