I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
