Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
