New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
