theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
