I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
