Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize