You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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