this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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