He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
