I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
did i just pee glitter
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