You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
