There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
