So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize