I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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