Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
