Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
