Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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