he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
they need to just BURY HIM!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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