I'm going to jail i love you
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
