The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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