This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
