I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
