I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
