Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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