I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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