My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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