Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
