the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Mom said you looked used
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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