I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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