Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
