There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
