sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize