Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
