I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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