is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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